Fun With History! The Day Karl Slimed Krist

(for background on my take on the Schiavo case, scroll down to the previous entry, or simply click here)

As we approach Easter, let me preface the following textaplay with a clear example of what I mean when I refer to "authentic, private Christians." I have in mind the generosity of spirit, the humble yet humorous honesty, and the keenly observant but never overbearing nature of someone like my friend Mel Holt. His name shouldn't ring a bell with you. He's never tried to promote himself as a pundit for the Prince of Peace. Mel is a songwriter, the former accountant for a non profit foundation, and co-founder of the independent record label, Step One Records (SOR). The label has since changed hands several times, eventually falling into bankruptcy. But when Mel made things happen, recording artists like Ray Price, Buddy Emmons, Floyd Cramer, Clinton Gregory, and others released records on SOR, many with a "Mel song" or two thrown in as an album cut.

When Mel's health began to fail awhile back, the people he had touched were hard to find, outside of his wife, family, and a few close friends. Many people who had profited from Mel's generosity never paid him a visit in the hospital or nursing home, never bothered to repay a penny of their longstanding debts to him, never threw him a bone after having exploited his good nature and his pocketbook during the days when Mel worked at SOR, even as his wife struggled to keep things afloat during his prolonged illness. Happily, the last I heard, Mel and his wife had moved to the home of another family member, and he's doing the best he can to gather his exceptional human spirit and find a little peace during his final days. His life's example is that of a true Christian. One who understands and follows what perhaps is Christ's most valuable contribution - the bone-deep softening of the hardball monotheism of his time through forgiveness, redemption, and the availability of his god's teachings to everyone, no matter how meager their station in life. Mel is a Christian. An "authentic, private" Christian.

A good resource for any thoughtful Christian curious to search beyond the dogma is The Joseph Campbell Foundation. (recommended starter reading: The Power of Myth, and Reflections on the Art of living: A Joseph Campbell Companion)

Now, on with the show!

The Day Karl Slimed Krist (a textaplay by the Heathen Monk)

[From the Playbill]

The Players:

Karl Rover (corn-fed, self-satisfied, comfortable behind the throne)

Karen Howard-Hughes (no-nonsense, tough as they come, humorless outside her private circle of friends)

Grover Norquit (famous for his work trying to kill bipartisanship at both federal and state levels)

Charles Jarbiz (head of USA Nixed, a hardball propaganda wing of the ReThuglican Party)
~~

It's December, 2006. The mid-term elections haven't gone well for the Republicans in either chamber of Congress. While holding onto a slim majority in the Senate, seats were lost, and in the House all of the targeted Democrats won re-election, and their Party picked up some unexpected new seats as well. White House strategists are in crisis mode. There's a legacy to protect. There's a base to lose. There's a lot of dirty work that needs to be done. And that's where Karl shines. After all, he's cut from the same cloth as pre-cancerous Lee Atwater. And Karen? The UnWarm and Fuzzless? She's all bidnez, and she knows Texas politics like the back of her hand. They meet in one of many "safe rooms" in the bowels of The Old Executive Office Building
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KARL: You ready to do this?
KAREN: Ready as I'll ever be.
KARL: Okay, lemme see that list of archaeologists - ya know, the one we talked about?
KAREN: Gotcha. Here 'tis. All grant-hungry, registered Democrats, and a few of 'em from those hippie schools in California.
KARL: Great, friggin' great!

(Karl looks over the list and the attached synopses of each person's grant application, while Karen pulls out her personal day planner and makes some notes. Karl then checks the names of several people on the list)

KARL: Let's try to go with one of these boys from California. We need to couple "California liberal" with "registered Democrat" if we're gonna make things stick. And of course, we've gotta go with an ongoing dig. Don't have time to start some new search for antiquities. It'd smell fishy anyway...
KAREN: I agree. I've got the grad student lined up for us. You know, the one who'll help the professor with his new "discovery." He'll plant the "scroll" at one of the sites on our list, discover it, hand it over to the professor, and then give us a media-friendly testimonial after the "forgery's" been made public - I believe we've got that scheduled for news cycle 3.
KARL: Does he have an honest face?
KAREN: Pure as the driven snow.
KARL: Okay. Let's see here. Our friends have already begun "renditioning" the Iraqi Christian scholar who lost his brother when their shop was burned down in Baghdad. He'll be our talking points translator and scroll scribe.
KAREN: Check.
KARL: And Grover and Chuck are chompin' at the bit to roll this sucker out. Now, after a lot of this and that, we've decided to go with the "Mormon Model" for "authenticity." That Hoffman kid had some balls, didn't he?
KAREN: Bigger'n Billy Sol Estes!
KARL: (chuckles) Allright. Let's go over the talking points of the Scroll one last time...

THE DEAD DEMS SCROLL

(dead silence as both read the talking points, flipping pages in unison)

The Birth of Krist

The Scroll suggests that Mary was pregnant by another man other than Joseph. Word of her affair had already spread through the grapevine. That was the real reason Mary and Joseph were turned away at the inn. But to his credit, Joseph had stayed true to Mary, forgiven her adultery, and found a kindly soul with a small barn where they could stay until the baby was born.

Krist's Early Life

The family was poor. No one from either side had ever become a rabbi or a merchant. Krist was left to follow in his father's footsteps as a carpenter. Translation: blue collar, red-stater, with no real ambition at the time. Mostly self-taught in religion, he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and became a religious scholar.

The Missing Years & Krist's Transfiguration

Where did Krist go and what did he do during the missing years? The Scroll suggests he had decided to make a better life for himself and his family by attempting to carve out a living along the major trade routes of the time. However, he may have fallen in with the "wrong crowd," a small group of mystics who turned Krist on to the organic hallucinogens available at the time. From these experiences came Krist's epiphany, which was far too real, too deep, to keep to himself. He returned to his homeland, and began preaching in Galilee. Word of the new Messiah spread throughout the land. And soon it was time to confront the church elders in Jerusalem.

The Crime and The Crucifixion

Arriving back in Jerusalem, both the rabbis and the Romans were alarmed by the "mob of the unwashed" or "uppity peasants" who followed Krist wherever he went. He stirred up terrible acts of civil disobedience among the faithful. The Scroll suggests Krist became drunk on wine, and while full of himself, went to the synagogue and trashed the moneychangers' tables. This was clearly a felony. A trial or two was in order.

At Krist's trials he refused legal representation, reminding us of the old saying, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client." It soon became apparent that he could not or would not save himself. He was crucified. The Scroll suggests that many people felt Krist got what he deserved for his crimes and his blasphemies. But his new, liberal teachings were too strong to ignore. He became a martyr, and the Cult of Krist was born.

Sources

The Life of Jesus Christ, by James M. Stalker
Parallels Between Jesus and Horus, an Egyptian God
Various other "liberal" references from ReligiousTolerance.Org

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(Karl breaks the silence)
KARL: Looks pretty damned good to me.
KAREN: I don't see any problems we can't explain away.
(Karl picks up one of two phones on the table, dials, and reaches Grover, whose voice is altered to prevent identification)
KARL: Grover, is that you?
GROVER: Yes it is.
KARL: What's the password, buddy?
GROVER: Peter Cottontail.
KARL: Allrighty then. We've settled on the plan. Are you and your people ready to light the fuse in the state legislatures?
GROVER: Primed and ready to fire on your go-ahead.
KARL: Great! I'll get back to you in the next few days. Oh, and Grover, you know we couldn't have done this without you. Your network is the central nervous system of our efforts here.
GROVER: Thanks, Karl. Coming from you that means a lot.
(Karl hangs up, muttering "asshole" to himself, Karen chuckles. Karl picks up the second phone and dials)
KARL: Chuck, is that you?
CHARLES: Hi Karl, yeah it's me!
KARL: Are you on a secure line?
CHARLES: You betcha.
KARL: We're almost done here. Are your people ready for pre-production?
CHARLES: Ready and waiting!
KARL: Great! We'll be in touch, pal. Seeya -
(Karl hangs up the second phone, rubs his hands together and says to Karen)
KARL: That does it! Are you ready to eat?
KAREN: Does a horned toad spit blood?
KARL: I've got just the place. They make a chicken-fry almost as good as the Broken Spoke back home.
KAREN: Mighty fine, let's hit it...

(Both rise to leave, heading for the door)
KARL: Democrats are soooo easy!
KAREN: (chuckles) Yeah. This is one Easter egg hunt the fuckers will never forget!

(Fade to black as the door closes behind them. Curtain falls as Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" begins playing. At the appropriate, dramatic pause in the last chorus, a large American flag is unfurled above and in front of the curtain.) [End of Scene One]

(A brief description of Scene Two)

3 families are shown, gathered around the TV. Each family is watching a different phase of the news cycles as the Story of the Scroll unfolds.

Family 1, Cycle 1: They're watching the exciting news of the Scroll's "discovery," accompanied by music and the graphics, "Discovery! The True Story of Krist?"

Family 2, Cycle 2: They're witnessing the brief custody battle over access to the Scroll. The whole family leans forward towards the TV when they hear of the executive order by BoyGeorge to allow access to all qualified theologians, "for the sake of mankind." Preliminary translations start to bring skeptics into the picture.

Family 3, Cycle 3: They're glued to the new theme and graphics, " Forgery Exposed! Scholar Smears the Savior!" As the FoxHounds are set loose on the story, a "battle stations" alert begins to sound, and in bright red letters above the stage, in sync with the alert, read the words:

DEMOCRATS ARE THE AGENTS OF THE DEVIL!

END OF SCENE: The alert and message fade as the lights come up to reveal a riser behind the families with a mock-up that includes the small steps leading up into a Gulfstream jet. A uniformed MP stands guard. To his left is our Iraqi scholar, now in handcuffs. Standing next to him is a "mystery man" in plainclothes and sunglasses. To their left is the wife of the scholar. He's allowed to embrace her as he says goodbye. The mystery man places a large roll of bills in the wife's hand, places his other hand over hers, now clutching the money, and gives her an "everything's gonna be okay" nod. He and the scholar turn to step up into the Gulfstream for "de-briefing" as the MP slowly escorts the weeping wife away from the plane.

(Fade to black, curtain slowly falls as The Beatles' "A Day in the Life" begins to play) [End of Scene Two]

[End of textaplay]

In my judgment, if Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, BoyGeorge, Brother Jeb, and others can cynically exploit the Terri Schiavo case for political gain, including a naked threat to Democrats (and moderate Republicans) from DeLay which said, in essence, "don't screw with us on this one or we'll nail your ass in the mid-terms," and if The Boy could lie through his teeth like he did during his 2005 State of the Union Address, it's not too much of a stretch to imagine Karl Rove, Karen Hughes, and the gang exploiting Christ himself in 2008 in order to protect the Bush legacy should things backfire on them in 2006.

This Easter, I'll be thinking of the life and times of Christ. I'll also be thinking of some others who were killed for their beliefs and their work. "They" killed Martin Luther King, Jr. "They" killed Medgar Evers. "They" killed Malcom X after he'd converted from the Nation of Islam to true Islam. "They" killed John and Bobby Kennedy. And John Lennon was killed by yet another "loner" right here in America. If you think of these individuals as nothing more than adulterers, "agitators," and drug-addled hippies, if you're a hard-nosed "right to lifer" or a firm believer in the "culture of life," then I've got one thing left to say to you - "This Blog's NOT For You!"
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Disturbed by the theme or use of language in this entry? Visit the overview at The Human Trust for a comprehensive explanation.
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Copyright 2005, The Heathen Monk. All rights reserved. Including all Grand Rights afforded the author.

Bill Frist & Tom DeLay, The Lord's Lifesavers

Terri Schiavo is dying. Again. But this time around Jeb Bush isn't the only politician trying to stop Ms. Schiavo's death. Congress, that august body of blowhards, entered the fray this week, taking time out from their urgent need to examine steroid use in major league baseball to issue subpoenas, yes congressional subpoenas, as a grandstanding play for the folks who "hate the sin, but love the sinner." Some of the same people who secretly applauded the bombing of abortion clinics and the murder of physicians who performed abortions. Good Christians all! (no offense to authentic, private Christians)

Don't get me wrong. This fifteen year tragedy is heartbreaking for all sides. Michael Schiavo, Terri's husband, may have moved on with his life, but common sense tells you that he would have given up on her right to die years ago if he didn't care about her. And it's painfully obvious that her parents want to believe that Terri is coherent enough to live as long as possible. But according to Mr. Schiavo and his attorney, noted neurologists have all concluded that Terri will never emerge from a state of vegetation, despite the brief video clips that appear to show her reacting to stimuli. And in spite of Jeb Bush's pandering and the hastily-enacted "Terri's Law," the Florida courts have once again ordered her feeding tube removed.

Enter Bill Frist & Tom DeLay

Here you have a Senator and medical doctor who couldn't admit to George Stephanopoulos that the AIDS virus can't be transmitted through tears or sweat. No, Frist had to dodge the question by sneaking "virus" into his responses used in its general sense. What a pro! And The Hummer? He needs to take some of the heat off of his uncanny ability to break Texas campaign laws - oops! - his alleged ability...

And now the mighty protectors of life have worked feverishly to use Congressional subpoena power to "protect" Ms. Schiavo by calling her to testify before Congress. The Supreme Court declined to entertain the notion. For a more detailed look, the March 19th online version of The Los Angeles Times has a fine article with related stories in the sidebar on this ugly mess of a story.

So, will Congress start things up again next week? Will any Democrats dare to speak up? Will they pass a federal law akin to Jeb's Florida fiasco? If they do, BoyGeorge is sure to sign it into law immediately [done, early Mar 21]. And you know what that means. [Find the Right-Friendly federal judge]. Re-insert Terri's feeding tube. And then? Sit back and watch as thousands of nursing home and hospice patients struggle for their right to die as the new "law" makes its tortured journey through the federal court system.

But let's look to our moral leader, Tom DeLay, in order to truly understand what's being done to Terri Schiavo:
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"Right now, murder is being committed against a defenseless American citizen in Florida," Mr. DeLay said. "Terri Schiavo's feeding tube should be immediately replaced, and Congress will continue working to explore ways to save her." [from NYTimes online]
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Yes indeed, the Party in search of The Big Tent has found the circus and it is them. This kind of exploitation of a long suffering brain-damaged woman in the name of "protecting life" is nothing short of satanic. Bill Frist - A Doctor Without Orders (you know, he could take a leave of absence and volunteer as a physician at a field hospital in Iraq). Tom DeLay - A Gerrymandering Gunslinger who'll stop at nothing to stay in office. This is your government. This is my government. This is absolute barbarism.
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Wanna see some hate in action? Take a quick peek here
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Update (3/19), post-DeLay press conference, today: Armando, from DailyKos sez Dems should allow the ReThugs' "compromise" in order to expose them for the fools they are, attempting to pass a law that's clearly unconstitutional.

Update 2 from Armando (3/19) : based on the "words of wisdom" from Harry Reid.

Interesting sidenote: Many print and online television snewz sources reprinted AP writer Mitch Stacy's Schiavo story. While most of them omitted the story's link to "terrisfight.org," an activist site devoted to overturning the Florida court's ruling (and reported to have had quite an effect on federal grandstanders), at least one US paper included the link in its version of Stacy's piece, headlined "House GOPs Want Feeding Tube Reinserted." The Guardian, known for its progressive posture, published Stacy's piece complete with the single, obviously biased link, described as "On the Net: Terri Schindler-Schiavo Foundation: http:www.terrisfight.org." I'd say Stacy went beyond the call of duty when it comes to reporting, but hell, I'm a heathen. What do I know?

Final update, Mar 21. Pertinent edits above in bold brackets [...]:

March 21, 2005: "A Date Which Will Live in Infamy." BoyGeorge Takes A Dump on The Constitution and The Sovereignty of State's Judicial Systems.

Physicians React: From latimes.com, Mar 22, "State Physicians Group Condemns Involvement by Congress," the story of the California Medical Association's reaction to the Schiavo Law -
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"Many of us are appalled at what's going on in Washington, D.C.," said George P. Susens, an internist who wrote the resolution on behalf of the San Francisco Medical Society. Legislators, he said, are neither doctors nor experts.

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DeLay quote from The New York Times article is their copyrighted property, and used here for contextual purposes only. Excerpt from The Los Angeles Times is their copyrighted property, and used here for contextual purposes only.

Enabling the Dry Drunk's Grand Gamble

I recently revisited my original anti-war protest page from March 17th, 2003, to see how well my own words have held up. In my estimation they hold up just fine. I stand by them. Perhaps the most relevant words you'll find there are these:

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Consider, if you will:

American citizens don't need an "intervention" from the Bush Administration.

The world doesn't need, and isn't asking for, lesson after lesson from America in a kind of "global tough love."

One culture, "SuperSized for Everyone," is an insult to any thoughtful human being, and ignores history altogether.

When the Consent of the Governed has been beaten down into a kind of "world-weary/duck and cover" Exhaustion of the Governed, when the breadth and depth of corruption runs so deep that it creates the worst "domestic fissure/meltdown of checks and balances" since prior to our own Civil War, and when Consent has been reversed to allow ANY Administration to then grant Limited Consent back to the Governed, it should surprise no one that a heartbroken Citizen might comment..."George W. Bush has created a New Imperial Presidency with the face of Ronald Reagan and the dark heart of Richard Nixon."

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Based on my years playing music for crowds full of drunks, people in various stages of recovery, and well-balanced folks both young and old, I've seen signs of what is commonly referred to as a "dry drunk" in BoyGeorge's behavior during many unguarded moments. And with today's pitiful misuse of psychotherapeutic terms (see "psycho babble"), and the public disclosure of once-private themes from Alcoholics Anonymous, it seems that The Boy has surrounded himself with "enablers" who have no intention of recommending that he "make amends."

Let's take my statements for your consideration one at a time:

American citizens don't need an "intervention" from the Bush Administration.

We didn't need a deepening of the hardball partisanship we've witnessed since 2000. We didn't need to ignore the real crisis in Medicare in favor of an artificially created "crisis" in Social Security. We don't need to prevent Medicare's ability to negotiate with the drug companies for lower prescription drug prices. We don't need to cut funding in other social programs in favor of "faith-based" initiatives that help blur the line between church and state. And we certainly don't need the new bankruptcy bill that rewards wealthy players who know how to work the system while punishing middle income citizens overburdened with medical costs and other unexpected debts. But that's what BoyGeorge's "intervention" has brought America.

The world doesn't need, and isn't asking for, lesson after lesson from America in a kind of "global tough love."

While there are good arguments to be made for invading Afghanistan after September 11th, the reasons for going to war with Iraq have evaporated at every turn. Weapons of mass destruction? Nope. An "ally of Al Qaeda?" Nope. Saddam gassing his own people? Yes, but back in the 1980's when he was still our buddy. Mass graves? Yes, but again, mostly as the result of DaddyBush's decision to allow Saddam to keep his helicopters and other weapons after the Gulf War so that he could slaughter the Shiites in the south and force the Kurds in the north up into the mountains, in the early 1990's.

And what do we find today in this new dynamic of democracy? A nervous Turkey looking on as the Kurds make a play for the northern oil fields and continue their quest for autonomy. Syrian Baathists sympathetic to Iraq's Baathists and Sunni minority. Iran's attempt to infiltrate the as yet unfriendly Iraqi Shiite majority. A large majority of Palestinians living in Jordan where we train Iraqi police and soldiers, instead of training them in their own country. Repressive regimes in Egypt and Saudi Arabia, relatively unchanged as a result of our "liberation" of Iraq. The PR exploitation of the death of Arafat in Palestine, and the assassination of the former prime minister in Lebanon. Let's not forget that Syria has been "withdrawing" from Lebanon for 14 years or more. Or how about calling France and Germany "old Europe," and the UN "irrelelevant." Or nominating John Bolton as ambassador to the UN, an avowed enemy of the institution who once said that the UN could lose the top ten floors of the building and it wouldn't make a difference. Perhaps the nomination of Paul Wolfowitz as president of the World Bank will send a message to our allies, ala Robert McNamara. Just a few examples of the kind of "tough love" shown by BoyGeorge's policies.

One culture, "SuperSized for Everyone," is an insult to any thoughtful human being, and ignores history altogether.

The Bush Doctrine of preemption, along with the ideals professed by the Project For the New American Century (PNAC),which includes signatories Elliott Abrams, Gary Bauer, William J. Bennett, Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Eliot A. Cohen, Midge Decter, Paula Dobriansky, Steve Forbes, Aaron Friedberg, Francis Fukuyama, Frank Gaffney, Fred C. Ikle, Donald Kagan, Zalmay Khalilzad, I. Lewis Libby, Norman Podhoretz, Dan Quayle, Peter W. Rodman, Stephen P. Rosen, Henry S. Rowen, Donald Rumsfeld, Vin Weber, George Weigel, and Paul Wolfowitz, seem to have forgotten or disregarded several key elements of human behavior. Aside from the outright betrayal of America's historical relationships with other countries, these advisors have made one stupendous mistake. They believe in the insane notion that you can IMPOSE DEMOCRACY on another country, by force if necessary, and with complete disregard to that country's culture and history. It should be obvious to any high school civics student that democracy and the imposition of democracy by force are completely antithetical to one another. How these longtime D.C. insiders missed such a fundamental fact is beyond me. And today, The United States is as despised around the world as the Soviet Union was at the peak of its power.

When the Consent of the Governed has been beaten down into a kind of "world-weary/duck and cover" Exhaustion of the Governed, when the breadth and depth of corruption runs so deep that it creates the worst "domestic fissure/meltdown of checks and balances" since prior to our own Civil War, and when Consent has been reversed to allow ANY Administration to then grant Limited Consent back to the Governed, it should surprise no one that a heartbroken Citizen might comment..."George W. Bush has created a New Imperial Presidency with the face of Ronald Reagan and the dark heart of Richard Nixon."

The Patriot Act, including "sneak n' peek" searches, and John AssCraft's wishlist known as the "Patriot Act II" which was broken down into riders inserted into various Bills, have succeeded in deeply eroding our civil liberties. The Department of Homeland Security, with its color-coded alerts and window dressing protections of our country has succeeded in sucking the money from the States' budgets for first responders, while ignoring the necessary security upgrades to our ports and railroads.

And we now allow American citizens to be labeled "detainees," locked away without access to legal counsel or simple visitations for years. How was this approved by the "consent of the governed?" It wasn't.

I repeat, as I said during a viewer call-in to C-Span's Washington Journal in early 2002, "George W. Bush has created a New Imperial Presidency with the face of Ronald Reagan and the dark heart of Richard Nixon." 2006 is right around the corner. And 2008 isn't far behind. Turn off your television, throw out the newspaper, and start digging for the truth yourself. The links provided at my protest page and here should provide you with a good starting point for your own personal research and evaluation. Enough with GannonGate, Armstrong Williams, Karen Huges, Karl Rove, and Senators like Joe Lieberman who cave in at the worst times imaginable. Who gave these assholes their "consent" anyway? Not me, and certainly not millions of other Americans. Oh how I wish one of The Boy's enablers would offer him a drink. C'mon, fall off the wagon, BoyGeorge, won't ya? We'll take you home to Crawford and tuck you into bed. Failing that, perhaps a "check-up from the neck up" with Stuart Smalley might prevent you from engaging in "stinkin' thinkin'" leading to a "shame spiral" that could reveal the fact that "denial isn't just a river in Egypt."
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Text and selected links of original protest page also appear here.

Show Me The Funny!

You're all alone in front of your screen. It's the start of a new weekend, and you're about to logoff for the day. You've finally caught your breath after Thursday's bizarre Michael Jackson PajamaGate coverage, and Friday's sad story of murder in the courtroom from Atlanta. You need to unlatch from the absurdity and the agony, if only for an hour. But it's Friday night - there isn't a new episode of The Daily Show on until Monday! What's a progressive to do?

I know. Imagine a gay congressman (Barney Frank), an author/professor, and provocateur (Camille Paglia), both appearing via satellite, with a studio panel that includes a comedian/actor (Richard Belzer), a feminist author/activist (Irshad Manji), and a last minute stand-in for Joe Scarborough, Drudge buddy/writer (Andrew Breitbart), all on one live television show - RealTime w/Bill Maher. What's that? You think Maher's an asshole? Who doesn't! (actually I don't...some of the times). But for now, put aside any preconceived notions you might have of these people and watch for a replay of Friday's show, or force a friend to tape it for you, at WaterGunPoint if necessary.

Like Paul Krugman's appearance earlier in the week on Jon Stewart's kinder, gentler show, this episode of RealTime actually dips its toes into the pool of serious issues without hollering, without talking points, and without pandering. And you're allowed to have fun. My god, could this be some new form of dissent? "No, it couldn't!" sez Michael Moore. "Screw You!" sez everyone at Air America Radio. And somewhere in the vapor, both Abbie Hoffman and Hunter Thompson are looking on, nodding silently.

But back to Friday night. Lucky for us, Scarborough couldn't make it. Seems MSNBC needed Joe's help to handle some of the rubbernecking going on all across the dial as the Atlanta story began to wind down a little. But it was Belzer's name on RealTime's guest list that caught my eye. Not Belzer the TV actor, but Belzer the comic. I'll get back to him in a moment. But first, let's take a quick stroll down memory lane, and talk about progressives' "health concerns" when it comes to the future, shall we?

The Newt Virus, The PNAC Pandemic, and The Yippies

For purposes of this piece, let's say that once upon a time a backbench congressman brought down the Speaker of the House in order to make his bones in Congress. Let's further assume that he helped pull the wool over people's eyes with a bold initiative - "The Contract With America." And from these accomplishments, along with the buildup leading to the Clinton Impeachment, a new and deadly virus was born in this country - The Common Newt.

What's happened since America caught this bug? The "election" of 2000. September 11th. Afghanistan, and Iraq. We were all subject to "BoyGeorge & The Dick, Part One!" And now the sequel is playing - "Freedom For Everyone, Bush Style, Whether You Like it or Not!"

The Newt has mutated and grown into a powerful pandemic of new robber barons and the same old faces, divide and conquer domestic policies, gunboat diplomacy, and busboy journalism. And unless you're curious enough to utilize the Web, alternative news sources, and your own passion for the truth, you've been infected, and there's no cure available right now. The old over-the-counter remedies of civil discourse and thoughtful engagement with the powers that be no longer work. Even newer, counter-Roveian strategies seem to be losing steam.

In order to find "funding" for any new ideas, it seems to me that progressives are gonna need to go just a little bit Yippie on the right's ass if they want to claim their share of the megaphone that liberals once took for granted. Which brings me back to Richard Belzer. Not Belzer in particular, but rather as a kind of comedic composite sketch for what I have in mind: Something as progressive in nature as Amy Goodman's "Democracy Now" but with a budget, editorial license, perhaps a studio audience, and a comedy writer or two. A program with a style that's sorely lacking in the progressive community today (hell, in any community for that matter). A style that requires these key elements in order to rise above the noise ringing in my ears:

Humor with an edge AND a heart.

Deadly accurate timing, from the guests to the program's subject matter.

The power that comes from a good command of the facts.

It's not often that you find all three rolled up into one user-friendly package. And even if you do, it's the timing where things get a little bit tricky...

Timing is Everything When You're Looking for SoundBites

And now, back to The Belz. In future on-air political exchanges, especially when it's live and on television, new progressive voices are going to need to consider, and perhaps study the comic timing of people like Richard Belzer. If you can find tapes of his earlier standup days, you'll see what I mean. Much like the late Bill Hicks, Belzer was a dangerous comic when it came to dealing with hecklers. And he knew how to sniff out the drunks, and separate them from the serious hecklers. If you were serious, he'd wait you out, draw you in, then cut you off at the knees, and hand your shoes back to you before you even had time to fall on your face.

That kind of thinking on your feet is missing from the toolkit of most progressive pundits, in my opinion. But the ability to create that kind of train wreck in a semi-serious setting, live and uncut, is what I'm hungry for. And with reality TV approaching its saturation point (dear lord, I pray), it's high time for the niche networks to tinker with a format like RealTime. Bravo, Trio (if it's still around), the Sundance Channel and IFC, PBS, and yes, even LinkTV should continue tapping into the progressive market. The right show with the right chemistry could spell soundbites and ratings, in my estimation. And the weekend is the perfect time to test this kind of programming, and maybe create a little bit of controversy. That way you can improve your chances of grabbing a bit of cable snewz airplay on an off news day, and throw some red meat to the Sunday morning talk shows, where the serious hecklers have held sway for too long. Sunday morning is where the Bush League likes to play. And with a new major league baseball team headed for D.C. this year, progressives can use all the batting practice they can get. So get cracking. Exhibition baseball is here. The umpires have already hollered "Play Ball!" Can you say "Beat the Pricks in 2006?" To borrow from Billy Crystal - "I knew that you could."

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Try clicking here later this month for a transcript of RealTime's March 11th, show.
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Selected clickables from Wikipdedia. Breitbark link from Media Matters. Goodman link from DemocracyNow.org. RealTime link from HBO. Maher transcript link from Bill Maher: The Official Site.

Could 'Rendition' Become the Next 'Ethnic Cleansing?'

I've lived through all of this before. The dilution of once-powerful terms. "Closure" and "do your own thing" in the spirit of the late Fritz Perls, to mention a couple. Happily, Fox Snewz' humping of "homicide bombers" never quite caught on. Gosh, I wonder if it might have anything to do with the fact that coupling "homicide" and "bombers" (as used) was kind of like changing "private accounts" into "personal accounts."

How do you become more user-friendly as you begin diluting and deluding? Let's go to the videotape! ~ Social Security ~ Your mission? Fronting for The Boy as he begins dismantling the program. Public posture? You get all warm and fuzzy as you slip 'em by, like Mr. Scotty did here as he "answered" a reporter's question:

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Q And secondly, Scott, on the Social Security privatization -- the President has said he would be very concerned in making sure that funds in the private accounts were not at risk for the people who wanted to place them there, but -- and he took the example of placing them in U.S. Treasury bonds. Now, the Social Security funds are already being placed in Treasury bonds. Why should the private accounts make a difference, unless people are allowed to put them in the stock market, which, of course, is a very risky undertaking?

MR. McCLELLAN: There was a bipartisan commission that looked at the problems facing Social Security. That commission outlined some options to consider, as we work to solve this problem. It was led by the late Senator Moynihan. And they recognized the importance of establishing personal retirement accounts where people -- younger workers could voluntarily set aside some of their own savings, if they so chose, in personal retirement accounts. And the President is strongly committed to that, as part of a comprehensive effort to strengthen Social Security.
(from Jan 12, 2005 press briefing)

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But that's not why I've called you here today. (note to self: increase dosage, SSRI) I wanted to rant about the spillover of CIA doublespeak into our everyday language.

Before Peter Jennings referred to the CIA's outsourcing of torture as "extraordinary rendition" (a practice going back to DaddyBush and the Gulf War), and last Sunday's 60 Minutes "rendition" segment, I'd begun to wonder if "rendition" wasn't about to become the next big thing! Most of us are familiar with artist's renditions, but torture and renditions? Somehow I don't think this one's gonna be an easy sell unless you happen to work for some" liberal elite propaganda machine" like CNN, known to some as the "Clinton News Network."

Days before I'd had enough of this latest foray into word fucking, I happened to catch a segment on BBC Radio that focused on solutions for the many problems facing Africa today. And here came a pleasant correspondent speaking with a crisp British accent. He was reporting on the difficulty of finding perpetrators where genocide and forced evacuations had occurred (not to say they aren't happening right this minute). The stalwart reporter spoke of "ethnic cleansing," and how difficult it was to find "those responsible for areas having been cleansed" because "those responsible for the cleansing" were no longer around. They were hard to find, darn the luck!

Again, many of us grew up familiar with "cleansing the soul" but not this. What an absolutely hideous term for horror.

In that spirit I might as well describe my anticipation of stopping by the drive-thru as "efforting closure on my Happy Meal."

It was touch and go for awhile with "homicide bombers." Perhaps, if we're conditioned enough through the overuse of "rendition," we can all fly the friendly skies of United, who might someday offer SuperSaver fares for AmeriKlans.
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[added March 9] Hungry for more provocative word-mongering? Who isn't! Lock & Load with Daniel Okrent's piece from NYTimes' The Public Editor ~ The War of the Words: A Dispatch From the Front Lines (from March 6, 2005)
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Separating the Wheat From the Chaff

Blogs. There's millions of 'em. Some are for personal pleasure, or family news, or topics of interest specific to that blogger. When it comes to identifying and promoting authentic progressive Web activists it may get crowded in the coming months. One new tool available to developers and content providers is a Web-public clearinghouse. Unlike blog directories, or selected entries from various "Best of the Blogs" sites, a Wpc can be utilized in a variety of strategic ways to both identify and promote blogs that resonate with progressive issues, both short-term and longstanding. In order to get a feel for the flexibility, actual value, and humorous elements of this tool, a useful sub-Blog of A Heathen's Perspective has been created.

For now you'll find it here: red Umbrella (rU). Trading only on the floor of The BlogShares Exchange, red Umbrella will assist you in tracking shares of a variety of progressive blogs once you've opened a free BlogShares account. Additional features at BlogShares are available to premium members. Please read their terms of service and player policies, and begin tracking your favorite, as well as undervalued progressive blogs today by either clicking the link above or the "BlogShares" icon at the bottom of this or any other page on A Heathen's Perspective.

This is a nonprofit tool not intended to be exploited for commercial purposes. But in these deadly times, a blogger's got to have a little fun. Needs to take things a little less seriously at times. Oughta have a good time pursuing accurate information and resources available on and off the Web. (rU) is now available for trading at BlogShares.

The Supremes - A Brief Moment of Sanity

As the sad story unfolds in Chicago of federal judge Joan Lefkow's loss - the murders of her husband and mother that may eventually be traced back to an obsessed follower of Matthew Hale, the Supreme Court gave opponents of the death penalty a glimmer of hope with a squeaker of a decision (5 to 4) effectively banning the execution of death row inmates who committed their crimes when they were under the age of 18 [Mar. 10: Lefkow murders linked to Bart Ross]. For a nanosecond of history, this country sent a modest, humanitarian message to itself and the world. And for that, judges Kennedy, Stevens, Souter, Ginsburg, and Breyer are to be complimented. But as far as I'm concerned judge Scalia can to hell, go directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, and best of luck in the "Lake of Fire."*

My home state of Texas, Oklahoma, and Virginia, remain the only states to wave the flag of lethal injustice when it comes to killing once-juvenile killers during the last ten years. Even countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, and China have abandoned the practice of executing young offenders. We made the "difficult decision" to join the ranks of these "enlightened" governments, but it wasn't easy. Judge O'Connor, the swing vote savior in many cases, dissented separately from judges Rehnquist, Thomas, and Scalia, but dissented nonetheless. While agreeing with Kennedy on "evolving standards of decency" she claimed there was no "national consensus" regarding the execution of young offenders.

But Scalia, The Dick's hunting buddy, couldn't hold back from hollering "PULL!" as he aimed his over-and-under at the Court's slim majority:

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"The court proclaims itself the sole arbiter of our nation's moral standards — and in the course of discharging that awesome responsibility purports to take guidance from the views of foreign courts and legislatures," Scalia said. "I do not believe that the meaning of our [Constitution] should be determined by the subjective views of five members of this court and like-minded foreigners."

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A brief glance at the majority's decision should provide any fence-sitters with food for thought on both the horror of Christopher Simmons' crimes and the horrific nature of the barbaric laws around the nation that are now considered "cruel and unusual punishment."

I remember when once-moderate governor Mark White began running campaign ads where he slowly walked past huge posters of some of the inmates who'd been executed under his watch here in Texas. The tide was turning right, and White was trying to preempt the "wimp" factor by strutting his Huntsville hustle for the voters. He lost the election. And now hundreds have been executed in Texas while questions abound concerning Harris county's forensic accuracy. If White had stayed true to himself and found a way to reach voters with a conscience, had Ann Richards taken BoyGeorge more seriously during her bid for re-election, our sad tale might have had a less bitter ending than judge Lefkow's heartbreaking tragedy. We've needled two women and a mentally retarded man among the many others in recent years. At least now, Texas can help "balance the budget" by saving money on trial and appeals costs. We forced juries into a corner by not giving them a life without parole option. Now, overzealous prosecutors have one less option when it comes to killing killers. Boy howdy ~

*see Marlon Brando in the film, "Free Money."

(link behind "Mar. 10" above takes you to The Chicago Tribune's story on the alleged killer of Judge Lefkow's family, Bart Ross. CTrib's site now requires free registration to view that story. Any new major developments will be dated and linked to from the same "Mar. 10" location in this post.)
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Scalia quote above taken from an article in today's Los Angeles Times, and is assumed to be the newspaper's copyrighted material, used here for contextual purposes only.