Fast Food Notion

My, oh my! What are we gonna do with all these fat people?! Well, the answer is simple - CRIMINALIZE THEM, JUST LIKE WE DID TO SMOKERS! Yes, after they lowered the threshold for obesity back around 1998, the pill pushers and insurance companies had a clear field in which to work. Just in case you missed it, CNN noted that:

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"Under the proposed guidelines, which are to be announced later this month by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), 25 million more Americans would be considered overweight -- including two baseball third-basemen: Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves and Cal Ripken Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles."

Full Article, copyright 1998, Cable News Network. All rights reserved. Used here for contextual purposes only.

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Junk Food

Sure, we're all happy to know that Taco Bell is moving to canola oil. Wendy's makes a pretty good side caesar salad, and if you're lucky, there's a Subway nearby, but most folks who drive thru or eat in at fast food joints have jobs that pay $6-8 dollars an hour. Many of these workers get a half hour for lunch. So add gas to that, and lunch costs these workers an hour's pay. Now, if you're making $20-30 an hour, most likely you get a full hour for lunch, and just a furtive glance if you're a half hour late back to work. So go ahead, have the steak, potatoes, and salad, not to mention a refreshing martini, with ambiance to boot! Fast food stays in business because the working poor, teenagers, and folks on fixed incomes can't afford to pay more than five dollars for lunch. That's it, that's all. Where are the entrepreneurs ready to fill the fast food niche with tasty organic and/or veggie delights and a drive thru window?

Tax The Bums

Yeah, that's the ticket. Just like smokers. Let's add a fat tax to junk food. In fact, let's add a federal excise tax to any fatty food that moves across any state line, And while we're at it, let's add a new tax to fortified wine, cheap beer, and malt liquor too. These poor people just have to learn that their "vices" have consequences.

Luxury taxes? Who needs 'em? Corporate loopholes? Gotta keep taxes low, don't we? As a smoker, I must pay more than a dollar fifty per pack in taxes. If all of us smokers quit right now, we'd break the medical establishment in twenty years, just by living longer. So, the next time you see a busy worker scarfing down a burger during a thirty minute lunch break, just remember - THEY CAN'T AFFORD FOOD THAT'S GOOD FOR THEM, AND THEY DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO WAIT FOR IT.

The only saving grace? Those loving couples where one or both make their lunches before leaving home each day. Oops, but then there's daycare...whaddya gonna do? Seeya at the yacht club Sunday brunch!